M4 Airsoft Assault Rifle

"What's it like having a gun?"
"It's like having two cocks, if one of your cocks could kill someone."
-Mclovin and Officer Michaels in Superbad


Much like the classic Christmas movie, A Christmas Story, I spent my holidays trying to obtain a BB gun. Much like A Christmas Story, I feared shooting my eye out. However, unlike A Christmas Story I am not a young child, and the following product is not a Red Ryder BB Gun but an M4 Airsoft Rifle from Thinkgeek.com. Why would I buy an airsoft rifle you ask? The official reason I give, to chase seagulls away from my home, but the truth is the same as why anyone gets a gun or gun like product, to shoot things.

For the low price of 24.99 off Thinkgeek.com, the M4 is a bargain basement level entry gun. It's accurately scaled and detailed enough that you could scare your roommates with it if you wanted to. The gun itself comes with a multitude of accessories such as a laser sight, blue LED flashlight, tactical harness, speed loader, and for those who fear shooting their eyes out, safety goggles. In short, if you have the burning need to shoot something but don't want to deal with things like waiting periods and the law and the temptation to go postal with nerd rage, an M4 Airsoft Rifle is a good alternative.

The only bad thing is that for such a low price, you kind of get what you paid for. The picatinny rail is a pain to slide things onto and the assembly instructions are in terrible engrish. The three point harness comes disassembled and going off the diagrams it's almost impossible to assemble it at all. But overall, if you wanna shoot and are on a budget, this is your gun. I give it a solid 3 1/2 gun toting Gomorrahs.

Bacon Salt

Bacon, we love it. In fact it's a known fact that bacon is the most beloved food on the planet. Proof of this bold statement you ask? Bacos, Fakeon Bacon, and the other dozen bacon substitutes. Bacon is so beloved that vegetarians, people who cannot enjoy the beauty of such food, go to great lengths of science to invent a substitute for this divine meat. Hence we've come a long long way when here in the 21st century the scientists of our world brought us Bacon Salt, combining the essence of bacon with the practicality of salt.

According to the makers of bacon salt, "Bacon Salt is a zero calorie, zero fat, vegetarian and kosher seasoning that makes everything taste like bacon." So in short, bacon salt is to be enjoyed by all, and is probably good on it's own. Seriously, it makes things smell like bacon, a scent scientifically proven to be an aphrodisiac for men. Imagine if people salted icy roads with bacon salt, the streets would taste like bacon and children would be drawn outside to play all the time. It'd be a utopia on earth. Now, if technology could go further and crossbreed a vegetable with bacon, then we'd know we reached the epoch of human achievement. But until then, bacon salt shall save us from ourselves.

P.S. Do not bacon salt a can of PBR, despite what you may think, it's a half cocked idea.

The Ex, 5 Piece Knife Set

Most of you have probably seen this product in various online stores (ie Thinkgeek, Amazon, Overstock, etc.) and thought "Wow, a voodoo doll that doubles as a knife holder!" I thought the same thing which is why I currently possess one. It's quite an impressive looking addition to the kitchen and more than one person has commented on the thing upon entering our house, however there are some flaws with the thing. For one thing, the entire holder is made of plastic screwed onto a hollow plastic base. While it's big enough that it wont easily get knocked over, it feels flimsy enough that if you were to drop the holder for whatever reason, it would just shatter. My other main issue with the Ex is that the knives that were included in the set were a little dull. Now this isn't a big issue since knives can be sharpened but one would think that if you buy a knife set, the knives are already pre-sharpened. The price, at $70, is a little high too considering it only holds five knives, but of course anyone who buys this is probably looking for form over function. It would have been nice if they could sell this sans knives so those who already have a full knife set could use it. Other than that, it's an attractive thing to possess, and in my house I'm sure we'll have no shortage of pictures to tape onto the head for cathartic purposes. However my recommendation is if you buy the Ex, fill in the hollow base with something to give it more weight and stability and ditch the knives that are included for some nice Cutco knives.